It doesn’t matter that soaps have always had unbelievable story lines. it still doesn’t stop perfectly sane people from shouting as if or no way at the TV every time someone has an affair/gets run over/ murders a member of their family. Soap isn’t real life and we expect it to be entertaining so a few pantomime plot lines should be expected. If you live in a soap you had better make sure your home/life/car insurance are up to date and fully comprehensive. Disaster zones that swallow up more human beings than earthquakes, soaps are the addictive Greek tragedies of our time.
Eastenders. A shovel mouthed affair with a bitter taste and a permanently cloudy atmosphere. I pray for the day that Eastenders follows the path of the Jerry Springer show by being made into a spectacularly huge opera. I’d definitely pay to see that. unfortunately, looking back on some of the Comic Relief song and dance attempts I suspect that many other people wouldn’t.
Coronation Street is more like a modern day variety performance and one of my personal favourites. the plots on Coronation Street are some of the most farcical but at least the characters can admit it. Tongue in cheek humour is spliced with hard-hitting story lines in a nice break from the gritty drollness of Eastenders. the Rovers Return and Roy’s caf have provided the greasy backdrop of kidnap plots, countless murders and the odd hundred adulterers. the best ridiculous plot by far was the long planned attempt by Richard Hillman to murder (for no apparent reason) the entire Platt family. instead of slipping poison into their drinks or something else equally preferable, he instead decided the most effective way to despatch of the Platts would be to drive into a shallow lake at thirty miles an hour. Hmmm.
Hollyoaks is another word for ‘model agency’. Apart from the token uglies (AKA normal looking people) then there is not one person in Hollyoaks without perfect bone structure/skin/hair/clothes. ASOS must get most of its custom from the Hollyoaks wardrobe buyers. unlike Coronation Street and Eastenders who are both fans of the Primark specials, (I should know, I have seen Rosie Webster and Stacey stepping out in the purple duffel Primarni that I bought) Hollyoaks needs glossy clothes for glossy people.
As a Northerner myself I would have to state that Emmerdale is the most unflatteringly inaccurate portrait of the Yorkshire country folk I have ever seen. Apart from the fact that they think the world revolves around Manchester, Leeds and Harrogate, everything else is as fake as the beer in the Wolf Pack. Emmerdale’s most ridiculous story line is the idea that Emmerdale actually exists.
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